I've Got a Disease

I’ve got a disease, deep inside me makes me, feel uneasy within tell me what am I supposed to do about it?
-Disease by Matchbox 20

For years now I know that there’s been something wrong chemically with my brain. The inability to concentrate, short attention span, procrastination syndrome, lack of commitment, self esteem issues, finding it hard to complete things. Most importantly, I cannot study; it means that when I need to sit down and focus on a menial or mundane task like studying, writing, or even working out, I cannot. My mind wanders I get fidgety and I am unable to fulfil the task adequately or effectively. My family thinks I have no clue what I am talking about, that I am essentially lazy and all I need is to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get my ass in gear. If only it were so easy. Unfortunately I have neither the access to a health care system that may offer me some sort of diagnosis, nor the dough to get myself properly diagnosed even if I were to get that access.

So here I sit in limbo. I know I'm smart. Not genius (though I wish I were because then at least my vast intelligence would at least compensate a bit for all of this) but smart people accomplish stuff. I have accomplished nothing. I want and need to go back to graduate school but I'm so paralyzed by the fear that so many things could go wrong (a side-effect of being a slave to tangential thinking) that decision making is almost nil for me. Instead I drift along allowing fate to make decisions for me and then wail and gnash my teeth when the results come about (hence the job situation i find myself in). And I tend to use too many parentheses and semi colons; they allow me to explain myself easier, I guess

It feels like my mind is trapped in this fog where I can barely think most of the time. It is such a struggle to concentrate. I crave the rare moments of lucidity that I sometimes experience, only to fall back into the mist. I get overwhelmed easily with too much going on and I am always forgetting. ALWAYS. I feel like an utter loser most of the time and I end up settling for less than I know I deserve. I should be at the very least a moderately successful individual climbing her way to the top. Instead I am a sloppy individual barely skating by.

I don't know what to do, or how to get help. I really don't.

The Great Chicken Hunt: Part Deux!

So, way back when I was a dilligent blogger (ha!) I posted about the great chicken hunt and the fight to find a good joint that serves some great chicken. In the mean time I've:

Stormed out of a Chicken republic because they could not be bothered to serve ice-cream that did not have a hollow in the middle. That would be the one at the end of Ligali Ayorinde close to my my (now ex) NYSC local government.

I'm done with NYSC!

Gone on holiday to the best city on the West African coast. I was kinda disappointed 'cos they took like but 4 hours on a Sunday afternoon is not too bad, and really the inverter was working so all I had to do was walk down and plug myself in.

I'm eating less. I realise the more stressed I am, the more I eat. I need to break the cycle.

I still procrastinate so that means my that the above point is probably moot. I will get to it. Eventually...

Back to the point. Papaye still has the best chicken, hands down. Tasty, succulent and has tasted the same since 1995. There is a reason quality control exists and why people stick to it. Because it works. And it keeps you coming back for more. Like I plan to do over, and over, and over again...

btw The Chicken republic on Awolowo road has the best icecream so far.

In the GH

Hey, so it has been like four months since I last posted anything on this page. Woswa! In between the internet going all FUBAR (urban dictionary is your friend) on me and just getting so busy, I really haven't had the time. But now that I have been royally screwed over by my boss, it is time to be your typical Nigerian worker and spend most of her time doing nothing.

I am currently on holiday in the GH my home away from home, and my trip here has taught me a few things.

1. Nigerian Airlines suck. The Arik flight I was on left an hour later than it should with no announcements as to why it happened prior to us boarding. On the plane we were given the lame ass excuse that the plane had been "delayed" from its previous journey.

2. I (heart) Ghana Mucho. There's light, I can brush my teeth with water that comes straight out the tap, and while the internet might be slow, at least it is consistent and doesn't just cut off for no apparent reason, leading to near suicidal thoughts.

3.I really get along well with kids. They seem to gravitate towards me. Probably 'cos I'm so awesome ;)

4. There's ALWAYS electricity...

More on me less than scintilating

About this blog

A K-popper trapped within the confines of Lagos, shares her uninteresting musings with no one.